Day 10 New Years Eve

Yes we made it and we have slagged off Nevs driving so much that the sis has swore at me and nev is a bit sulky. They have planned a trap that involves me driving back. I am sure I will get plenty of flack on the way home. Even the grim one has changed sides and now thinks that nevs driving is ok. Bunch of fkwits.
New Years eve was pretty low key. Played a bit of tennis. Had a blast on the jet ski and grabbed some oysters at low tide from mals beach. Plenty of them big fat and juicy. Didn't even get wet they are just on some rocks. We lit a bonfire and nev set off a heap of fireworks. Had plenty to drink. A few people who were moored came over and had some beers. Then back up the travelator to the house and played some sega rally!!
Quiet night really. A bit to much family time now. I'm over it and can't wait to get amongst it in Perth. I have a couple of weeks on my own so its going to be bliss.

Day 9 go north young man

After about 2hrs sleep. I am up girls are up nev the champ is stuffing around like an old tart in a knocker. We are meant to leave at 1pm to go to kerikeri. But we don't get away until 3. Its a 4hour drive. Nev takes the wheel and has now been rated as the worlds worst and most reckless driver. Present company included. It is a harrowing experience. Or maybe better described as terrifying. We are in the huimmer and he takes off through the suburbs like a bat out of hell saying "I will make up the time". The hummer powers along at 80mph swerving all over the road and the harbour bridge he says he is just trying to get the feel of it. He has zero/nil ability but tries to make it up with speed and stupidity!!
I get him to stop to get some beers. He gets a foot long subway and a coffee to go. I/we say no hurry eat first. Not out Nev! Off we go with the coffee jammed between his legs and the subway in the other hand. Lucky he had put out the ciggie! Off we go through the windy hills of north auckland. We are all over the road Megan and Sharnee are deathly quiet in the back. This will rate as the 2nd most terrifying experience I have ever had! I quickly get 2 beers into me it makes no difference at all! Every now and then there is a traffic holdup so we get a respite. FFS nev just said he feels like a joint!! I just noticed it looks like I will have mobile phone coverage most of the way. So I will be able to call emergency when we are upside down in a dutch (see the kiwi pronounciation)
Megan just said its like a roller coaster ride without the safety bar. I've bought a paper so I hold it out in front of me so I can't see how bad its going. I keep hearing Megan and Sharnee gasping so I know its crap buit I won't look.
4 beers I've had a nap. Wake up with still more than an hour to go. We are still alive
Its stopped being funny. We stopped for a pee and megan has refused to get back in the car. I talked her around but she won't come back with him. By stopped being funny I meant for Megan :-)
We have got to Kawakawa with the world famous toilet. I will send photos. The kiwi's bang on about it and you can't see why. It has tiles, bottles and mosaics in the walls. It smelt like a toilet that would be found under tianemen square. A real treat plus all the pubs in this town have the no gang color signs up. Its a sparkling tourist town :-) so we get more beer.
Pulling into kerikeri now and looking for a pub. They all have pokies so nev needs a gamble. We are here thank golly. Now into serious playing. In a few days boys

day 8ish could be 9?

Sorry boys but this one is AO. The champ Nev led me astray big time. We had a long day before the girls shot through north. It seemed like they would never go. But they finally did. So a quick change from sad partners and we were off to showgirls the premier establishment in Auckland. We were there earlier enough to make the free entry cut. And boy was it worth it. The 1st girl out looked exactly like Holly Valance. That's if holly had the hardened features of a crack addict with biker tattoos and a permanent angry snarl. She was a crowd pleaser who just stood there in front of you demanding money. Its the 1st time I have heard the phrase go away money but it was money well spent. Bring on the next one I said. So out she comes if anyone can remember Sarah Marie from big brother. This one was a chubbier version. She wobbled around the stage and took a flying leap at the pole spinning around nearly a half circle before she thumped to the ground. She then stood up and to the very apt tune "nasty girl" she threw her clothes oiff and came and leaned on me. The smell of BO was slightly stronger than her breath so she got some go away money too. We decided then to go down market to Mermaids. Wow. They have a tank of water the girls swim in between strips. The tank looks big enough to have 2 or 3 in it. Turns out the mermaid is either a whale or the pricks have made the tank out of magnifying glass. Funny though as this sea lion gets out of breath quickly so at times she is hanging onto the slippery sides of the tank blowing and wheezing. And all the girls in the tank look a bit green. Maybe some pool cleaner wouldn't go astray. There is a big sign in both places saying "Full sex service upstairs". the barman says its the ones that are too ugly to strip that are up there. I had to hold Nev back. Still a steady stream of guys going up there WTF!!
Anyhow everywhere we went the smell of choof is strong. And no that's not just Nev. We went to some party and the people who weren smoking were on P.
At the casino the other night Sharnee got chatted up by some P'd up guy. It was funny to watch as we stood back and let it happen.
Well that's it for me I have lost Nev a long time ago and I'm in a cab on the way home. Its just after 7am and I need some sleep before the big drive up north today. Reception is shit up there. So not much emails

Day 7 Its all catching up

Its the bro in laws birthday. He's a champ. He has given me a pressie. He has convinced the sister to take Annette up to keri keri 1 day earlier. Its a 5 hour drive so I get another free day. Woohoo. So off to the nudies tomorrow. Today was low key. I done nothing but I did watch a replay of the Zabel plate. I horse called xcellent had his 7 starts all wins colors lowered by a tough thing called mr strike. He's a good sort who needs about 4-5 starts to get fit. Watch him when he comes over he leads all the way. And held on.
Anyway tonight was pizza night right up until the last minute when they decided it would be better if I cooked them up some prawns and calamari. So another day on the bbq. They are all vegetarians here so I rub their food on the sausage and steak grease. They all marvel at how good I cook on a bbq?
So a big feed then off to the casino as nev loves his pokies. I had a few beers the said stuff this I need sleep as tomorrow will be a big day. Walking out I had 1 bet on the blackjack and had a perfect pair come up so I left with more than I came in with!
I'm home now after walking around the house banging on the doors ringing the bell trying to get mum to open the door. Deaf as a post
I have a great day planned for tomorrow at showgirls and mermaids. For a $2 the girls will do anything. So tomorrows update will be late but should be fun

Day 6 Boxing Day

A day that started with some trepidation and finished in glorious triumph. Firstly I had to take my sister back out to Coatesville to do f all and on the way she says to stop at a new shopping mall. It turns out that when a shopping mall opens the kiwis desert every other shop in the city and go to the new one. Which is great except I have the hummer and driving around the car park looking for somewher to stop this beast and I am in turn looked ( with admiration and then hurled abuse for either fking up the carpark experience or driving a gas guzzler. I tell them I am buying carbon credits whatever that means. Anyway that pretty well sums up the day a few reds amd some coronas and that's it!!
Anyway as I was saying. Earlier this week a kiwi team was smashed by that great cricket nation bangladesh! And today was the boxing day 50 over game, which initself is a gamble for the kiwi's as they normally don't bat that well. Anyway today the banglas got away to a good start and the place was deathly quiet (that could have been because they were all at the mall). Anyway long story short the kiwi's triumped (hurrah)
There is dancing in the streets and if I hear one more time about the banglas being a rilly good side as they beat aus in the world cup.
Anyway that's me sorry about the delay but I wanted the excitment to wear down first

Day 5. Xmas day. The madness accelerates

Woke up after a good 3 hoiurs sleep. Still feeling hammered. Went over to mals ex's place to watch her kids get presents! I was going to take it easy today but as we walk in we get handed a glass of moet. Oh well. Been there for a few minutes and had a couple of moets when in comes her dad who is known as BIG Pete and her grandmum who everyone calls nana moo or as I like to call her "the walking death".
Big pete would weigh some 300kg or more. One of the funniest things I have seen is the way he gets out of a car. He likes to park on a down slope as he opens the door and pours himself onto the ground. He walked inside and had to have a sitdown as he was out of breath. He fills a good sized armchair and still hangs over the front. Nana moo looks like skeletor with makeup. Everyone says how well she is going. Popular consensus is she is being kept alive for her full time job which is as Big Petes wiper. There is no way that his arms are long enough to reach around and do a wipe. He is BIG.
Mals ex runs around shreaking and yelling. I am still a bit tender so am glad to be out of there.
We hav

HOLS DAY 3 THE NIGHTMARE CONTINUES

Funnily enough its been a good day. I am on the way home in a cab. Its about 4am. I have had a big day on the squirt. Caught up with mal and his new pet. She is a tiny thing about 30 with a nice rack!
She is overly freindly so I will push that as far as I can and see what happens. We all went to a wine/beer bar up the road from mums and I drank everyonr away!!! Of to town but the nudie bars close at 12. FN xmas. So we/I went to an old friends place for some more drinks. Then cabbing it home. I think I have promised this guy an extra 50 bucks so I could have a fight on my hands. How tough couild these africans be?
Anyway merry xmas and etc. It looks like I will have a couple of quiet days as annette is getting grim apparently
Next update will be the 27th